When Love Loses the Center
How Self-Centeredness Shrinks the Soul—and Agapē Sets It Free
Why Love Expands and Self-Centeredness Shrinks the Soul
We often hear that the opposite of love is hate, or perhaps indifference.
But when you slow down and look honestly, something deeper is at work.
Hate says, “I want my way.”
Indifference says, “I don’t care about you.”
Both are rooted in the same place: self-centeredness.
And self-centeredness always shrinks life.
It narrows our vision, contracts our hearts, and slowly drains joy—not only from us, but from everyone around us. Love, on the other hand, expands life. And Agapē is the widest and deepest love there is.
The Subtle Signs of a Life Turning Inward
Self-centeredness rarely announces itself loudly.
It slips in quietly, wearing familiar attitudes:
Contempt – looking down on others to feel above them
Worry – trying to control outcomes we were never meant to carry
Complaining – focusing on what’s missing instead of what’s given
Self-justification – defending ourselves instead of trusting Love
Self-protection – closing off to avoid pain
Self-promotion – proving our worth instead of resting in it
Criticizing others – shifting attention away from our own hearts
None of these makes us evil.
They make us exhausted.
They are signs that love has slipped from the center and self has taken its place.
Jesus Shows Us Another Way to Live
Jesus lived completely other-centered—not because He lacked identity, but because He was secure in it.
He didn’t need to justify Himself.
He didn’t need to promote Himself.
He didn’t need to protect Himself.
He didn’t need to control outcomes.
Why?
Because He lived from union with the Father.
“The Father and I are one.”
“I do only what I see the Father doing.”
“As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you.” (John 15:9)
Jesus didn’t live for Himself—He lived from Love.
And Agapē flowed naturally through Him because it was the source of His life.
Selfishness Shrinks; Agapē Love Expands
Self-centeredness says, “What about me?”
Agapē Love asks, “Who can I love?”
Self-centeredness isolates.
Agapē connects.
Self-centeredness drains peace.
Agapē multiplies it.
When love is the center, worry loosens its grip.
Complaining quiets.
Contempt dissolves.
Self-protection softens.
Criticism gives way to compassion.
Not because we try harder—but because we live from a different source.
Union Is the Antidote
The answer is not self-improvement.
It’s self-forgetfulness born of union.
When you know you are loved, you no longer have to fight for yourself.
When you live from Agapē, you discover you are part of something larger than your fears, preferences, or wounds.
Paul said it simply:
“It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)
That is freedom.
That is love.
That is life beyond self.
Reflection